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Old 03-30-2011, 12:02 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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I want to congratulate you on doing a good job laying out your thoughts and emotions with so much detail and explanation. That can be quite a daunting and sometimes frightening task!
I'm a regular poster around her, feel free to ask me anything. I'm going to just respond with my initial impressions from your last post. But-if anything I say gives you question, please feel free to ask! God knows I don't always make sense!

Quote:
My basic thoughts in the now…
• I still struggle off and on to explain why FlameKat and T fell in Love; in some strange attempt to give it a value that does not amount to how much FlameKat and I love one another.
That seems to be a struggle for many a mono-minded person! I think it's easy to slip into that struggle even as a poly-minded person! It's hard to remind ourselves in a way that our own minds (much less anyone else's) will accept that one doesn't have to be "missing" something in order to enjoy having something more.
It's a little like money. If someone offered to increase your wages-would you automatically say no? It's possible that you could love your job (and be content with your pay) and still think that the offer of a wage increase would be awesome.
OR
What if you love your job, love the location; and you get offered the chance to get a pay raise if one week of the month you traveled to exotic and exciting locations to do the same work?
If you take the offer, does that mean you weren't satisfied with the job before?
I can be madly in love with someone and happy with them. But then I meet someone else and I fall in love with them ALSO. It's not that person #1 wasn't "good enough", it's that person #2 was "also good".
Easier to discuss in theory then it is to really internalize.

Quote:
• I still struggle with understanding why I wasn’t enough for her anymore; that she needed to confide in someone else; when she had been able to share everything with me before … or my perception of everything I guess. I do understand that we all have things that are harder to share with anyone and sometimes those things aren’t even shared with ourselves subconsciously.
Painful thought. Difficult to get around. I think that we were created to continuously grow and "improve" upon ourselves, always changing (by default) as we grow... In doing so we encounter new parts of ourselves and sometimes those new parts are "availabilities" inside our hearts or minds. I find that GG has filled a need in a part of me that I didn't previously know what there. BUT-that doesn't change the reality that Maca fills the parts he always did...

Quote:
• I still struggle with my rigid concept of love … They only have one… it cannot be copied… it cannot be split without losing a part of the gift it represents.
I wonder if maybe my thoughts above couldn't be expanded upon to take in this concept. I don't think your concept is fully wrong, maybe...just... somewhat unfinished, unrefined...
A tree starts as a seed. Ends up an Oak. What a seed can give/share with the person who tends it, is very minimal. But, an Oak can share with not only the person who loves and tends it; but with MANY people....
We're a lot like that too. We have the ability as we learn more about ourselves to "branch out". (not saying everyone "becomes poly", just saying we expand internally).
For some people as they grow, they find that there is so much of themselves to give that they long to share it with more than one other person. I.E. they find that they have found the "secret" to copying their token....


Quote:
I know how much FlameKat loves me.
EXCELLENT! That's a wonderful thing to have confidence in! It's like saying "I know that there is a good foundation under us"! You may be nervous about building the house and how it's going to come together, but you can work through those details as you move along.
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