Thread: Dating vs. Poly
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Old 03-29-2011, 01:25 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Default One possibility

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
.............

So what has changed? Is the term "Poly" just different for younger generations? Is there a change in dating? Or is there no change and its really just the same as when I was young with the word poly given to it?
RP,

One possibility I see is that a new term has appeared that seems to be a better fit for where people are wanting their love style to go.
I think there's has been in the past a certain guideline/assumption that when people are just 'dating', i.e. going through that checking each other out phase, that any discussion about who else might be in the picture and at what level (emotional,physical) is avoided. Kind of an extension of the don't ask / don't tell approach if you will.

But there's a certain discomfort with that approach - for everyone. On the self side it can seem less than genuine and honest, and I think everyone realizes the danger in that to even a 'potential' relationship. Where does that line cross between what's been 'hidden', 'lied about' etc. and what was expected to be avoided. Way too much wiggle room here to cry foul later.

So I think there's this attraction to this newly discovered (?) model that looks like it can cut through some of that. It's like......"ok - let's all be open and honest about everything" ! Ok ! <huge grin> Define EVERYTHING !?
Now the fun begins.........
By 'claiming' poly, you could basically be stating that you have every intention of having multiple people in your life that you intend to really care about and have sex with etc. And anyone new needs to understand that about you. A lot said in a word.

But I think that most people who have 'studied' poly potential see a lot of the good possibilities in comparison to the way it previously went in establishing and maintaining relationships so there's a natural attraction to at least 'try' it. And to advertise that you ARE trying it. Therefore the latching on to a new label.

Is it likely a bit less than accurate in many/most cases ? I suspect so.
But that seems how usage of terms and labels evolve.

GS
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