@ meinsb - me and my partner have had lots of chats about whether we could love more than one person, and realised we loved heaps of people. My family I guess was where my mind started to bend around the idea - I mean, surely it's not a different kind of love? I think that void you wrote about comes back to not feeling alone and also having people you can create a life with not just live alongside. When you're close with someone, where the wall between you is gone and you feel you can be exactly who you are and they love you and you love them, well I guess there aren't many people who you can feel like that with. Whether it's because you haven't met them yet, or you're keeping them at arms length because it's a grey area if you already have a partner. Personally, I think it's the latter. I was talking to a friend of mine, who's in a mono relationship, and she said that even without the sex and kissing it's still a really big thing to let other people in, she said she has lots of close female friends but she'd be really nervous to be close with a male. I think that would be quite common. So for me, for us, we think it's a good place to start, re-start
. Like I said, it didn't work so well when we kissed first and asked questions later. We found it more helpful to think of jealousy as a word for all the emotions in the too hard basket, so it did lead to a lot hard basket emotion. Especially from our friend, who wanted to spend alone time with my partner which was hard, since we were travelling at the time and I was left out by my travel buddies. And it was weird too because we were all good friends, but once they'd crossed that physical boundary I was "just" a friend, and she was something more with my partner. But we let it go on too long because that's the only paradigm (?) we knew. I'd like to do more reading about it, I have my own theories why it is people only feel close with someone after they've had sex with them. I reckon mono dating and poly dating follow the same rules, it's hard to go against the grain especially when the only thing you know is what you don't like.
Will keep my eye out for poly poly people