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Old 09-21-2009, 06:37 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Just a small update on the topic of poly with kids... this is an older thread but as I've written on here before about it I thought this would be as good a place as any to write.

The major concerns my extended family have had about my poly nature and the of existence of my other primary in my life is that of how it effects my son. They are worried about my relationship with my husband too, but my son is the big concern.

They thought I wasn't spending enough time with him, that it would be weird for him and that he will be confused as to who his father is. There is the added pressure of what will happen when people at his school find out. Or others on our street.

I am concerned too. I have never had this relationship style be viewed by anyone but the people involved before and I am flying by the seat of my pants with it. I figure the best I can do is keep my communication going with my son, give him as much time with me as I can and wait for his questions, statements and view points to reveal themselves.

Today I awoke to the sounds of my boy stirring in his room and calling for me. When I went I reminded him that Mono had looked after him the night before and that he was still here and would look after him while his Daddy and I slept a bit longer. I stayed with him while he used the toilet and dressed and chatted with him as he got ready... Out of the blue he asked me, " Is Mono's bed comfortable (of course his name isn't really that, but you get the ideas)?" I told him he would have to ask him as I didn't know if it was. He replied that I must know because I go there and sleep in it with him. I answered that I do actually do that and that I thought he meant the couch bed he had slept in all night. He said, "no, you go there when I am asleep sometimes to sleep in his bed." I said I do and that it is indeed comfortable. He laughed and just said, "Oh" in a shy kind of "I'm not sure I should be asking those questions way" and ran off yelling out, "Mono, I'm ready for our date now!" (he calls it a date because he once complained that we both get dates with Mono and he doesn't).... I went back to bed full of thought.

He obviously knows more than I realized... it made me realize also that hiding our love for one another hasn't worked. Even though we have done our best to hide it. In fact I wonder if it caused his shyness around asking his question....? I don't know? Was the shyness out of a feeling of loss in someway, or observation, or just that he wasn't sure he was allowed to talk about it...? Maybe I should sit him down and have a heart to heart? He knows I love Mono... but I love a lot of people and say so...

I feel as if I have to tread very slowly here, but perhaps not as slowly as I originally thought.
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