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Old 03-28-2011, 11:56 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 182
Unhappy

I'll comment, as you have specifically asked for comments. FK - I don't know your story too well...I think I've glimpsed it on occasion, so I could well be not quite on target with my comments.

I will start by saying I also left an abusive marriage, verbally and emotionally with pretty much only the odd touch of physical abuse thrown in for good measure. But, I think in terms of abuse, the question of physical vs emotional is really just two sides of the same coin.
I look back and about 5 years before I left I started looking for validation from my loved ones. The odd chat with a friend, the odd chat with my mum, trying to slyly work out if this shit went on in other people's lives. I slowly tried to expose what was going on in my life - A cry for help, yes - But a faint cry that was definitely tainted by my fears of repercussions.

I understand that abuse works best with no witnesses - It is dependant on closed doors, or on other people closing their eyes.

In my opinion coming out is very different. I understand not wanting to live a double life, and I can see why that pulls some triggers for you. But it could be more a case of your perception (in terms of double life) instantly linking (or triggering) "Danger, Danger" sirens in your mind, based on your past experiences ?

Potentially "hiding truth" links you, via your past experiences, to a position of vulnerability, hurt, pain and deep sorrow.

I think wanting to come out is commendable, and indicates you want to live openly and true to yourself. But I believe, in terms of hiding truth, it is actually a very different situation to that which abused wives (or husbands, or boyfriends or girlfriends) have in terms of hiding the abuse.

It's not only on a different page, it's in a different book in a different library. I would like to stress I think I understand where the parellels are coming from though.

The thing with FB is you can't really just talk to your mates. I have perhaps 60 friends on FB. How many would I choose to share intimate details of my life with ? Maybe 5.

It's not a medium that lends itself to you maintaining any control over your personal life. Do I trust the other 55 people with my personal journey in this world ?
No, I don't - They can look at my holidays snaps, but I won't share my personal philosophies or thoughts.
And I wouldn't want my ex husband knowing a single thing about my life. I don't like him, don't trust him. He's a scoundrel, in honesty. I'm fairly sure he would still hurt me if he could - he does take that opportunity if he sees it - can't say no to a bit of power...tedious really

I'd probably also explore FB settings to see if you can work out a way that your ex can't view your page through your son's account. Unless you're really concerned about your son and want to keep an eye on his FB activity...de-friend him.

Only two cents worth, hope I've not offended.
You sound fairly stressed about it all though - That's tough..

PS - I accidentally added a frown face and don't know how to get rid of it - Oops...

PPS - I'm not a fan of facebook other than for sharing general stuff. I don't mean to rant about it though.
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