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Old 03-28-2011, 11:56 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 182

I'll comment, as you have specifically asked for comments. FK - I don't know your story too well...I think I've glimpsed it on occasion, so I could well be not quite on target with my comments.

I will start by saying I also left an abusive marriage, verbally and emotionally with pretty much only the odd touch of physical abuse thrown in for good measure. But, I think in terms of abuse, the question of physical vs emotional is really just two sides of the same coin.
I look back and about 5 years before I left I started looking for validation from my loved ones. The odd chat with a friend, the odd chat with my mum, trying to slyly work out if this shit went on in other people's lives. I slowly tried to expose what was going on in my life - A cry for help, yes - But a faint cry that was definitely tainted by my fears of repercussions.

I understand that abuse works best with no witnesses - It is dependant on closed doors, or on other people closing their eyes.

In my opinion coming out is very different. I understand not wanting to live a double life, and I can see why that pulls some triggers for you. But it could be more a case of your perception (in terms of double life) instantly linking (or triggering) "Danger, Danger" sirens in your mind, based on your past experiences ?

Potentially "hiding truth" links you, via your past experiences, to a position of vulnerability, hurt, pain and deep sorrow.

I think wanting to come out is commendable, and indicates you want to live openly and true to yourself. But I believe, in terms of hiding truth, it is actually a very different situation to that which abused wives (or husbands, or boyfriends or girlfriends) have in terms of hiding the abuse.

It's not only on a different page, it's in a different book in a different library. I would like to stress I think I understand where the parellels are coming from though.

The thing with FB is you can't really just talk to your mates. I have perhaps 60 friends on FB. How many would I choose to share intimate details of my life with ? Maybe 5.

It's not a medium that lends itself to you maintaining any control over your personal life. Do I trust the other 55 people with my personal journey in this world ?
No, I don't - They can look at my holidays snaps, but I won't share my personal philosophies or thoughts.
And I wouldn't want my ex husband knowing a single thing about my life. I don't like him, don't trust him. He's a scoundrel, in honesty. I'm fairly sure he would still hurt me if he could - he does take that opportunity if he sees it - can't say no to a bit of power...tedious really

I'd probably also explore FB settings to see if you can work out a way that your ex can't view your page through your son's account. Unless you're really concerned about your son and want to keep an eye on his FB him.

Only two cents worth, hope I've not offended.
You sound fairly stressed about it all though - That's tough..

PS - I accidentally added a frown face and don't know how to get rid of it - Oops...

PPS - I'm not a fan of facebook other than for sharing general stuff. I don't mean to rant about it though.
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