Have just been reading the 'coming out' thread pretty thoroughly... I have definite worries about the effect my telling the kids will have on them... but more to the point if I'm going to be out then I might as well be out fully. And that WILL cause problems.
Now I am not saying that I would want to come out to everyone in a big show or anything like that... but I do work on an honesty is best policy and I also do try to not hide things* (as mentioned previously in this thread) as it takes an enormous toll on me. Being open to some and not others would be confusing to me, particularly with the short term memory loss.
*not hiding things as differentiated from from not being ready/able to speak up about them*
Either way... If I am going to be out to my family I would appreciate being able to be out on my fb (as the girls are on there and would likely mention it on my wall (they have already outed me as gay and bi anyway... :P I may possibly be bi-curious with very much hetero leanings but definitely not gay ~ my teenage years were ... interesting times
this will cause problems as I am pretty sure the kids dad uses my son's facebook to look at my page... I am also fb friends with some of WW's family... and a proportion of his friends/co-workers as well... I tend to be rather ouspoken and would likely become a bit of an advocate for poly via my page...
I think this would cause a great deal of distress for WW, and if I were not 'out' on fb it would cause in me some of the same feelings I am dealing with now - about not being able to communicate - only this time with anyone... about something important to me - right now it is my choice... if I were to come out to the kids... i would come out on fb as well... it is simply the way I am.
*just had another whatsamecallit (lightbulb over head moment)... forgotten the word... anyhoo... part of the reason I am unable to consider not being out on fb or in WW's world... is that in a sense... I have already lived a double life... as an abused wife.. I hid it for 15 years... and I am not comfortable with hiding any part of myself, if it is something I am hiding for another person to be ok? I'm not sure how exactly to express this thought... I hid the abuse because that made things ok for the ex - not for me, to hide the poly for WW, to make it ok for WW, not for me... would be a similar feeling to me... and something we need to discuss big time BEFORE I get on the coming out bandwagon - because that bandwagon is already building inside me. *please do comment on this one - need help with sorting this out in my head *
Will have another chat about this with WW tonight... there is no major rush on this one
at the moment anyway... being able to see the various triggers and needs behind my feelings gives me that much distance for objectivity (at least for now