View Single Post
Old 03-27-2011, 05:30 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by dub1h View Post
I think that when you break poly down, the root is in the open communication and honesty, with a willingness to compromise so that everyone is happy.
You say this like its a bad thing? Figuring out a way to have everyone be happy isn't a bad thing

I think only emotionally distant people could ever have a poly relationship where there are no negative emotions such as jealousy or feeling left out. The relationship part comes into play when everyone is trying to handle those emotions and get back to an even keel, right?
Way... wayyyyyy in left field. Poly people feel negative and positive emotions. Emotionally distant does not even begin to describe me or my lovers, or anyone I know in poly. If anything we are more in tune with our emotions

What requires more distance, a married couple together 15 years and barely enjoying each others company... but "dealing" with that disconnect by remaining distant? Or someone with multiple lovers, with multiple potentially diverging personalities.

I would think poly is less emotionally distant. Even at a cursory glance.

Well I think I am kind of mono in a way. When I meet a girl I really like, I am only interested in them. The other people just don't seem to interest me as much because my time is for the girl i am already with. The rest of the time I spend mostly alone because I'm sort of like that to begin with.
You just described me. I am not.. freely available poly.

But I do see why it might be good to be poly. There's a certain level of detachment from love. It's like being in love just staring into someone's eyes and resisting the urge to walk up and hug them tightly, never letting go. It's kind of good to live that way because a lot of times, things don't last forever, or people move, life happens. Especially at a young age (thinking early 20s, college aged).
I get those urges constantly. I am far from detached from love...

Try not to project how your feel in poly with how it could be for others please.

Sorry this is all kind of a learning experience about myself. I've learned a lot about what I really want in a relationship ever since my breakup. Poly fails when there are a lot of people thrown into the fray with zero warning, and when everyone has different expectations......
If people have expectations that aren't flexible yet. But people can walk in with different expectations and work through the relationship. Sometimes I think there is some mysterious ease of use clause in poly. If it doesn't work, move on. Relationships take work, and poly is no exception
Reply With Quote