(This is potential TMI all over the place...)
My first attempt at Essure did not work because the gynecologist doing the procedure couldn't see the tubes, which meant she could not insert the coils. My uterus was 'fluffy' (this is normal during certain parts of the menstrual cycle-I've learned more than I wanted to know about my anatomy during this whole thing) which obscured the location of the tubes.
I told SW that the procedure had failed initially. After weighing some options, I decided to try one more time. The next try was successful.
I did not tell SW all about the ins and outs of my decisions on birth control because I was not sure what he wanted to know. I did want him to know my ultimate choices because since we were sexual, he was involved too.
We had a date several days after the successful Essure procedure. I told him that I was seeing someone new and that the Essure procedure had finally worked. (It was a very busy week.) He was happy for me about both.
We were intimate that night, really fun. He told me during pillow talk time that his primary was sorting through some issues and that they were not currently having sex while she did that.
I head home after our date and realized that I could not remember that little pause while he puts on the condom. I texted him to ask if I just hadn't noticed him putting on a condom. He called me back the next morning (the text was very late night) to say that he had not used a condom, he had asked me about not using one and thought I had agreed. And he was really sorry and wanted to talk.
I went over that night to talk things over with him. Turns out he thought that the Essure thing was immediately effective. I know I told him about what Essure is but I don't know if I ever said clearly that it takes 3 months to take effect. The first conversation about it, on the first failed try, was in a noisy, crowded restaurant - in retrospect, not a good location. The 2nd was in a car going to an emotionally fraught dinner with friends (a long unrelated story). At any rate, that crucial piece of information wasn't communicated properly. Plus, I figured he was fluid bonded with another, as was I, we were never going to have condom free sex anyway.
He had slipped into me, realized it and asked me if this was ok. I was in happy sex land and did not realize he was asking about not using a condom - I thought he was asking if the position was good, if I was happy, etc. Since I was, I said yes.
I am certainly responsible for my actions but lets just say that the brain was not driving the bus at that point. And yes I should have noticed, should have been paying more attention, but at that moment, I just didn't.
Because he is fluid bonded, because his relationship with his girlfriend is so important to him, because he was so careful in our previous times, it just never occurred to me that he would want to have bareback sex with me.
I had not discussed with him explicitly that Beloved and I are fluid bonded. Beloved and I had not talked about it using that term - more along the lines of always use condoms, be safe, etc. I did not want to use that term describing our situation to SW without going over it with Beloved first. In the course of all of our busy schedules, that conversation did not happen as quickly as it should have.