I guess what I meant by detachment was that your relationship has to be a lot more fluid. You have to be ready to adapt and compromise with whatever comes up, i.e. your partner might get invited by the other for a weekend trip. You may have wanted to spend time with them that weekend, but have to compromise since the trip can only be taken on those days.
Has my perception of polyamory been jaded? Did my ex hurt me with how she went about it?
Or am I resistant? Was everything under normal conditions, and I just freaked out?