my question comes up because of a recent poly fiasco (failure?)
I think that when you break poly down, the root is in the open communication and honesty, with a willingness to compromise so that everyone is happy. I think only emotionally distant people could ever have a poly relationship where there are no negative emotions such as jealousy or feeling left out. The relationship part comes into play when everyone is trying to handle those emotions and get back to an even keel, right?
Well I think I am kind of mono in a way. When I meet a girl I really like, I am only interested in them. The other people just don't seem to interest me as much because my time is for the girl i am already with. The rest of the time I spend mostly alone because I'm sort of like that to begin with.
But I do see why it might be good to be poly. There's a certain level of detachment from love. It's like being in love just staring into someone's eyes and resisting the urge to walk up and hug them tightly, never letting go. It's kind of good to live that way because a lot of times, things don't last forever, or people move, life happens. Especially at a young age (thinking early 20s, college aged).
But I think that the open communication is what I see most important in a relationship. I suppose there may not be an advantage to dating a girl who is herself poly, but there is no harm as long as I have my short list of needs fulfilled?
Sorry this is all kind of a learning experience about myself. I've learned a lot about what I really want in a relationship ever since my breakup. Poly fails when there are a lot of people thrown into the fray with zero warning, and when everyone has different expectations......