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Old 03-27-2011, 01:28 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,875

I had a first date last night with someone from OKC . . . my second actual meetup with a guy I met online.

But I won't kiss and tell . . .

Well, maybe.

But seriously, I got an email that this weekend is a "free communication weekend" at and so I re-joined to check it out. Ugh, the pits. I un-joined less than 20 minutes later. I really believe OKC is the best I've come across for meeting people online. Even though it's poly-friendly, though, I am told it is tricky for most men to get responses from women, whether poly or not.

Regarding Firewater's questions, I think that when you meet someone, whether online or in the real world, if you are nervous and preoccupied with thoughts like, "Oh my gosh, how'm I gonna tell her I'm poly?" it will take you out of the moment. You'll be in your head the whole time and thus will enjoy their company even less because you're monitoring yourself and preparing to break the big news, and therefore will basically seem faraway and inattentive to your date, which will likely be less appealing than whether or not you're seeing other people or want to keep things loose.

So the trick is to have simple goals for a date: just enjoying someone's company, having a good time, getting to know someone, attending that new exhibit at whatever museum, hearing that music and turning your date onto your favorite band -- WHATEVER. Don't get all caught up in the dialogue you hear in your head about how hard it is to get a poly thing going. Bah! Relax, enjoy yourself, pay attention to your date, really listen to them, and be your real authentic self. That is the best way to attract someone. If you are compatible, and the person really likes you, chances are they will consider overcoming any "obstacle" to want to get to know you more. Besides, it seems to me that blurting out, "I'm polyamorous!" on the first date is sort of egotistical, as if you're expecting them to want a serious relationship with you. Just be there with them and go with the flow.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 03-27-2011 at 01:31 AM.
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