I now identify as poly, my wife identifies as mono
We've been together for 3+ years and discussed often how I have different point of view to other people in terms of how to be in a relationship. For the longest time we both agreed that it was more a need to experiment sexually, and overtime would go away.
This is mostly because when we would talk about it there wound up being ulterior motives to bring another person into our relationship sexually. About six months ago I realized I was polamorous, and came out to her. At first she and I figured it wouldn't last.
As time is going by I feel more strongly convinced that I truly am, but now I am unsure of how to proceed.
I love her very much and stay true. We have no trouble communicating, but as we communicate it becomes clear she is mono and I am poly. For now I am choosing not to change anything about our relationship.
We have a three year old together. Both of us love being parents, and love raising our son together. We met at the end of our freshman year of college, and spent three years discussing if marriage was right, or if we should raise Isaac mutually, but not together.
I wasn't trying to lie when we got married and I wasn't explicitly identifying as poly, just beginning talking about it. That is because I didn't believe myself when I was thinking about it in my head.
I learned about polyamory when I was thinking about having threesomes and other people involved with us sexually. Because of society, I assumed I was just a typical guy trying to get more out of college and sex. Which may be somewhat true. But as I mature I doubt.
Interestingly, my oldest sister is like me. We just recently began being open with each other about it. Our worlds have begun to change now that we can openly talk with someone we cant trust about it.
So a lot of rambling, but it seems my wife as many similar feelings as you do. I don't know what to do, cause I love her and don't want to hurt her. Which I haven't done because I am honest with her and with-holding any new relationships till we are both comfortable.