Originally Posted by LaughingDog
Now that we have all been living together for just over a year I find am re-evaluating my life. I have always considered myself monogamous, but recently I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore. I don't like where my life and relationship has brought me. I feel unfulfilled in my career and relationship. I don't feel that I am getting the love, time, or sexual attention I need to be happy. And while I love my quirky little family and it makes me physically ill to think of hurting any of them, I feel a drastic change is necessary for me to continue, or I do not know how I can carry on as it stands now. And add on top of that the fact that I have had feelings for C for the last few months. We have gotten close recently and I have helped her through some heavy stuff. I don't know if I am simply transferring my dissatisfaction with my relationship with my partner onto her or if it is really real stuff. But I do know that she would not be interested in prosuing that with me and my partner would be wholly unhappy with the idea so I am stuck with all these intense emotions I cannot talk to about with anyone. Especially the people I most want to understand it. I just don't know what to do anymore.
What a confusing relationship dynamic. I would be questioning everything too and would want to try out something a bit more stable and grounded I think. I would think it would get all too confusing for me. I would wonder just who I could actually rely on to love me in a more complete way. A way that is more focussed on what "we" have together rather than what happens next. I don't think I would be getting anything else done because I would be concentrating so much on my relationship dynamic.
Just an aside; How is the nine year old coping with all this instability? I have an almost 8 year old. I would wonder how much he would be taking in of all this and what it would be teaching him of relationships and connection with others...
Good luck. I hope you figure out what works for you. When I was around 30 I went through a huge change that meant leaving my wife for our shared partner who is now my husband. It was a massive deal. I didn't want to and lost my community along with her, they didn't know about him. I had to end it... and she agreed. She had a different path than me and I had a destiny to fulfill.
She is now still a huge part of my life and I love her like never before. I would be honoured if she would take me back as a love of hers, but she is mono and uninterested... I would rather have what we have as close friends than lose her because I want something more/different.
I would wonder if perhaps you are just ready to end this pace you have been keeping and settle into something different and more stable so that you can concentrate on other things. Personally I invest a lot in partners ability to rely on them to provide stability for me as I do them. Maybe I am not the right person here to suggest anything as I just don't have relationships where everyone is scattered and doing whatever the fancy takes. Perhaps someone else will chime in?
That's the thoughts I have anyway. Good luck and welcome.