Thank you all so much for your feedback and encouragement. It is very much appreciated. So far I am loving the vibe on this message board and I am sure it will be a great resource and support as a continue to walk this new path... Let me respond to some of what has been written and clarify some things.
Redpepper: Thank you for the kind words.. But in all fairness to my wife, I do have to say that what she said was not due insensitivity on her part. Those things have been revealed to me over the previous 2 months and wasn't dumped on me all at once. Her honesty was also in keeping with the 18 year history of our relationship/marriage. Even when our marriage was an exclusive-closed-monogamous entity, we operated on the principle of radical honesty and fuill disclosure. It was common for both of us to discuss in great detail with each other our crushes, attractions and sexual fantasies that included other people, while still being monogamous.. The unexpected difference has been that this time, the radical honesty was actually describing a real person who was actually having sex with my wife and who my wife seems to have some deepening feelings for.. Radical honesty before was about accountability and maintaining monogamy, now it's about sharing what is actually happening, so my emotional reaction was somewhat unexpected and painful... My wife has been very patient and sensitive to my emotional state and my comfort level and sense of security in the relationship.
SNeacail: Thank you for the response and for your opinion... I guess I would simply say that my wife has been very clear to OG that in our marriage we operate on the principle of radical honesty, that nothing that her and I do needs to or should be hidden from each other. This includes sexual and romantic relationships with other men/women. He understood this and has pursued a relationship with my wife anyway. OG also understands that the principle of radical honesty only applies within my wife and my marriage, and he is not owed information about my wife and my relationship that both myself and my wife has agreed to share... This may seem unfair and unbalanced, but it is what has been working for us. Should there be a time when wisdom, my comfort level with poly and with OG prompt a re-negotiation, this is the way it will continue to be until that point.. Thank you again for your response.