Originally Posted by Freetime
My marriage is over. I realized tonight while lying in bed that stay together or not, my marriage as I know it, is done. It has been for awhile, it just took me until now to see it. The day T decided that she was poly was the day this union ended. Our vows are null and void. I've taken off my ring as the promise it represented is no longer valid. I'm all over the place emotionally, ups, downs you name it I'm feeling it. I just can not seem to find a fucking balance for long. I have experienced feeling really strong and truly happy for the first time in a long time but I can't hold onto it. This is so......Frustrating.
You're right, the marriage that you had is over, it's changed. Change doesn't have to mean bad though. It takes time to get to a new normal where things feel right again between you. You have taken on a lot and have done it very quickly. Give it time and let it sink in. Figure out what your boundaries are and talk about them. You are allowed to have needs. It looks like you're trying to be the good guy here and just going at the speed that she wants to go. The 2 of you are in a partnership though and if you don't speak up and say "too much, too fast" how is she to know that you're not doing ok?
Can you identify what your triggers are in this journey? Give her some really concrete things that you need her to do for you or that you need to be held back? Try not to write anything in stone because chances are that you won't always feel this way. The balance does happen and the hiccoughs become fewer and farther between.