It sounds like letting her go is the only thing you can do if what you each want is completely incompatible. You can't force yourself to be ok with her constantly wanting the opportunity to have sex with any person she meets that might catch her fancy. She's refused to give you the time you requested, and she lied to the other guy about you being ok when she knew the truth was that you were devastated. A major part of successfully being poly is keeping the lines of communication open and being honest. She shouldn't have lied to your friend. It was doing a profound disservice to both you and him. You're feeling weird about him now and that's going to impact your friendship with him, and he should understand what's really going on.
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