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Old 03-26-2011, 03:15 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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thanks for the smile freetime.

Just a thought... why not just stay home next time and plan a night of fun for yourself. I'm not sure why you need to protect her. She is a grown woman and presumably not naive about the world. You could be going on a lot of dates before she finds the one that fits her life. At the very least maybe you could go and observe on a second or third date. By the third date though I would think you would be setting up a time to meet the dude anyway. I'm not sure how honest it is to watch from a distance anyway... its not sitting well somehow that this guy had no idea you were there... did I get that right? he didn't know you were watching?

When I was dating a couple of years ago I went through about 50 dates between late summer and new years. More maybe? If PN had come out on everyone we would be broke due to drinking out so much and he would of lost interest pretty quick. Not to mention my pace is crazy fast compared to him. I had two dates in one day once!

Besides, I can take care of myself and never went anywhere without him knowing where I was and when I arrived and left. I would pick places that were known to us a head of time and didn't drink alcohol on the first date. I was fine. Most of the guys were so terrified I was completely capable of doing something to them rather than them doing something to me!

Mono took one coffee date and that was it. Love. There was no question. If PN had been hanging over my shoulder when we met I would of felt very uncomfortable and would not of felt I had privacy. I would of felt like he didn't trust me and that he was in some way controlling me. We are both far too independent to be fussing around wondering about the dates we have at this point though.

Mono had a hard time me hanging out with my friends after I met. He didn't trust the men I was developing friendships with in our local poly community. It was not something he was used to to have his partner go out for dinner with a male friend... how could he trust that I would not be taken advantage of???!! It seemed rather ridiculous at the time and confusing... I have never had that kind of concern for me before.

I dunno, maybe you should work on what you could do with your life during this time of your relationship and leave her to it... except for hearing how its going of course.
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