View Single Post
  #57  
Old 03-25-2011, 06:17 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,681
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
And then today. I tell him I'm intending to start a new project for a paying client. No asking for advise. No "what do you think I should do?"
And he starts questioning me about the wisdom of doing this project rather than working on an on going one I'm not getting paid for. I restate myself and get told what he thinks would be the smarter thing to do. Great. I've chosen to do the not smart thing and only after I get pissy does he back peddle and tell me to do what I want.
A lot of men have this need to "fix" things, it just comes instinctively. I imagine, especially since he was in the habit of making all the decission in the past, he just assumed that you were looking for his advice since you were sharing with him. This has always driven me crazy. He needs to be re-trained to ask if you want his advice and you will probably need to state ahead of time that you aren't looking for advice but are just sharing information.

This topic is worth sitting down and having a conversation about in great detail and will likely have to be discussed more than once. My husband was actually shocked that some of his statements made me feel like he had no faith or trust in my abilities. It's not fair to just expect our partners to magically change overnight, but they also need to be open to us calling them on it when they lapse back into old behaviors.

You could just say "Thank you for your input, I will consider it, but it's likely I will stick with my original decission".


Quote:
New Girl and I have begun volleying messages back and forth in an attempt to get to know each other better while she is still out of town. Lots of CCing between us all. I got sent something I'm pretty sure neither of them intended to share with me. It contained a conversation about something she offered to get while she was out of town BEFORE all this and he asks her to not tell me about it. I don't know what the something is, but it bugs me the idea that I need to be kept in the dark about it. Is it wrong of me to wait and see if I'm to be included in it eventually rather than questioning them about what it is? Like what if its a surprise they are planning FOR me and I ask, ruining it? And also, won't it lend me a clearer idea of what to expect out of all this if I say nothing and I'm never brought in on it?

Why do I get the feeling like many things are going on behind the scenes that I'm not in on "for my own good"?
Frankly, I would print it out and ask him about it directly. If it's a surprise for you, then he will say that. Do you really belive that? When I plan a surprise for someone, I tell the person that is helping me "This is a surprise for ___, so don't say anything." What you described sounded more like he just didn't want you to know about it period.
Reply With Quote