Originally Posted by NeonKaos
I don't know... I just read the OP's first thread, and you were so head-over-heels in loooove with this woman and now you're all "Meh" about her... You were advised to slow down and not move her into your home, and you went ahead and did it anyway. Now what? I hate to sound like a jerk, but this is clearly a case of bed. made. lie. How is it that suddenly the husband is a control freak?
"If only the other people were here to give their side of the story".
NeonKaos, you sure don't pull any punches, do you? I do like that. It's good to have a voice here that isn't going to coddle or soften the blow.
Interesting point. I had not read her other threads, and so was not aware that her initial reaction to this woman was so warm. This thread makes it seem like her husband was the one calling all the shots from the start.
Still, the "chip on shoulder" and "PMS" remarks from the husband are pretty standard controlling maneuvers, but in light of the shifting attitude between threads, I can see how there might be more than one side of the story.
I suspect the OP might be a "pleaser" and deluded herself into thinking things were hunky-dory when they weren't. This ties in with the low self-esteem, and acting like a doormat business. Then turning around and being the martyr fits this set of behaviors.
This does not change the fact that she is in a situation which is making her unhappy. She has not specified how they were "working on it" other than implying that she's been bullied (or let herself be bullied) into just taking it.
The "bed. made. lie." philosophy doesn't work because she's just going to be miserable, and what's the point of that? I do agree she needs to take some personal responsibility here.
If the situation is as she portrayed, she still needs to man up and either assert her needs or GTFO.
None of this precludes the fact that her husband might in fact be a total asshole, but this leads me to question why so many women loooove the assholes and act all helpless and confused when assholes treat them like shit.