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Old 03-25-2011, 02:25 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
So Jealousy....I found myself experiencing jealousy not at T meeting with a potential BF but at not being the guy who was with her having a great night! Which was also one of the reasons I moved out of line of sight. Good news was that a great band was playing in a different part of the pub and I spent my night sipping Ginger ale and grooving to the music.

I'm trying. I swear I am, but I have no.....framework or experience to draw on as to what's Ok here and I found as the night wore on I started to feel like I did on day one. I stopped going down that road as soon as I caught myself, but it took a while to get re purposed.

I think I'm a good man, I think I'm doing what's right and necessary to make it easier for us both, but I just don't have the context to know for certain.

I've stopped running away from anything my fears, jealousy, feeling sorry for myself, all of it. I'm grateful to be awake again, to feel alive and have purpose/desire once more for my life, but to tell you the truth, I'm not really having fun with this.
Sounds like it was a good night...even from a learning perspective. Glad it worked out well for you, and that you've started finding ways to catch yourself from going down the dark paths of your mind. You seem to be getting the coping mechanisms down fine, so I'm not going to bother suggesting new ones if you have stuff that's working for you.

Question time:

Why do you feel a need to be 'the one' having a great night with T? If she went out for girls night with her friends, and has a great night carrying on with them, do you feel jealousy when that happens? If you're at a party and she gets talking to an old friend, girl folk, or new friend, does that cause jealousy? If it's YeHaw week and she has an out of body experience on the Gravitron while you're eating mini-donuts, does that cause jealousy?

I'm not sure I understand the part about how working through your shit somehow casts doubt on being a good man. Personal ethics are personal...if you need external validation, is it really personal anymore? I guess the question here is what do you think you're doing that might be 'wrong', and why would it be 'wrong'?

Finally, if you don't think you're having fun, and it seems like a lot of work, despite all the advantages that you mentioned above...what would be? What do you think it should look like? What would be 'fun'? How do you envision that, and how is it different than what happened last night?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
P.S. I apologize for Hijacking my thread back from the earlier hijack. I did however learn that beer and lube may be more fun then I might have thought, so thank you for that.
You can't really hijack your own thread...so don't apologize...but I'm glad the combination worked out for you.
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