...Went out tonight with T while she met with her first online Date/ meet up. ie. they met online. I was the secret chaperon ensuring T was safe. As the night progressed I moved to a different area of the pub/bar because well, I'm just not that much of a voyeur and watching my wife on a date was pretty....odd. (I went with T more as a security blanket for her as she hasn't been on a blind date in over 20 yrs)
As it worked out he was a nice guy, but there wasn't any chemistry with him to go further. You could tell he was disappointed, but he took it well and that was that.
So Jealousy....I found myself experiencing jealousy not at T meeting with a potential BF but at not being the guy who was with her having a great night! Which was also one of the reasons I moved out of line of sight. Good news was that a great band was playing in a different part of the pub and I spent my night sipping Ginger ale and grooving to the music.
I'm trying. I swear I am, but I have no.....framework or experience to draw on as to what's Ok here and I found as the night wore on I started to feel like I did on day one. I stopped going down that road as soon as I caught myself, but it took a while to get re purposed.
I think I'm a good man, I think I'm doing what's right and necessary to make it easier for us both, but I just don't have the context to know for certain.
I've stopped running away from anything my fears, jealousy, feeling sorry for myself, all of it. I'm grateful to be awake again, to feel alive and have purpose/desire once more for my life, but to tell you the truth, I'm not really having fun with this.
So much for me to learn yet. Hope I get there soon.
P.S. I apologize for Hijacking my thread back from the earlier hijack. I did however learn that beer and lube may be more fun then I might have thought, so thank you for that.