Ah, the emotional rollercoaster. You're feeling calm and centered, ready to coast along for a little while, and suddenly something cah-raaazy happens.
Earlier this week, Gia's doctor insisted that she go to the ER and she grudgingly agreed even though she was sure nothing was really wrong. She and Eric ended up stuck there all day.
The next day, I saw Eric's post on a social networking site about the experience. He said that she was fine and the baby was fine and that she was resting but didn't go into much other detail. So there I was, staring at the screen trying to process the idea that my pregnant girlfriend was in the ER for an entire day and I hadn't known about it. I was shocked and hurt. I felt like I must not be important to her. I wanted to contact her and just vent. I resisted the urge and let her rest.
I went about my day feeling all kinds of fucked up inside. On a regular basis, waves of low, sick heat rolled through my stomach. The fact that I knew that she was fine made it manageable.
I caught up with Eric online that afternoon and told him how important it was to me to be informed if something like that ever happened again. He told me that he would remember that, but that he couldn't promise anything and that it wouldn't necessarily be on his priority list in a crisis. I appreciated his honesty (as I always do), even while it stung (like it always does).
That night I went to their house for my regular date night with Gia. Eric had told Gia about me being upset, and the first thing she did was bring the subject up and apologize. We ended up having a two hour long conversation, sharing what we'd each been through and talking about our different communication styles.
She told me a few important things -- that it had not been a genuine medical emergency, that she gets anxious when she knows people are worrying about her, and that she had had no cell phone reception while it was happening and no desire to communicate with people afterwards. She told me that she would always reach out if she thought she could use my help. She also said that she wouldn't even have told *Eric* what was happening if she hadn't needed to, and that did more to make me feel better than I would have guessed it would. I told her that, while her needs in a crisis would always take priority, I needed to know when major things were happening, even if I just got a quick, reassuring text after the fact, and that finding out via a social networking site was *not* ok.
An interesting wrinkle was that Eric was in the room or in the next room the entire time. He spoke up very little, just worked on dinner and did stuff on the computer while Gia and I hashed things out. Normally he would have been at class, but I suppose he stayed home to make sure Gia was ok. During the course of the conversation, I had to let myself be really vulnerable -- I was visibly upset, my voice and hands shook at various points. It was odd being so emotional in front of him, but it meant something to me that he just let it all happen and didn't seem discomfited by seeing me in that state.
In the end, I felt very positive about the whole thing. Emotions were high on both sides, but Gia and I really listened to one another and stayed calm. She agreed to make an exception to her normal way of doing things for me, and to do her best to keep me in the loop if something like that should ever happen again. It meant so much to know she did all of that emotional work with me because she knew that I really needed it, even though she was still getting over a tiring, painful and very frustrating experience.
After the big conversation was finally over, the three of us had dinner and watched a movie. Eric lent me a book. We hung out on their bed and I felt the baby move.
It's a weird thing to say, but it actually feels kind of good, now that it's over anyway, to go through an emotional crisis with my partner and come out the other side. In working it out, we show that we both have the power to affect one another deeply, and that we wield that power responsibly and compassionately. I DON'T want to go through anything like that again anytime soon, but in a strange way a crisis makes the relationship become real in a way that is different from when everything is smooth and quiet, or when the only conflicts are ones I'm dealing with internally. And when everything slides back into place afterwards and we can be relaxed and happy together, we see how resilient our relationship really is.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 03-25-2011 at 07:26 AM.