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Old 03-25-2011, 12:59 AM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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I wish there was a happy post...but I don't know how to feel...

I thought I had moved past the feelings surrounding new poly. TP is looking to date a third with Mr A two hours away; I've given my okay as has Mr A...but I thought I would be fine, done it before and survived...thought I was over them but even just the hint of TP's attention being elsewhere makes me anxious...so I'm stepping back and it annoys me...

What's making it worse is my own insecurity of having almost no libido...I feel like I am totally immasculated when I see my wife, the woman I love, who I find attractive and don't want sex, I've thought and thought and it's not sex with her, sex in general, with anyone...with myself... I feel horrible about it and that feeds my insecurity with TP and poly... I've gone through several possibilities and have gone and had blood drawn for hormone level tests but that's a double edged sword...With more symptoms than just libido loss...

If it's a hormone thing, it's either a pill a day until my levels get back to normal or it's a shot a month for the rest of my life if it's very low...and that's not even discussing what might be the cause: pituitary tumours or troubles...and this is the good news...

If it not hormones it's something else, something even more nebulous and internal.... that there aren't clear cures...and that terrifies me...what then?

I've never hopes for a pituitary problem before but now it's an easy fix...unlike my insecurity....
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Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.
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