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Old 03-24-2011, 04:16 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Oooo Carma, I like what you say there! I would wonder the same thing too. What if you were to throw the rules of marriage out and work on an alternative. If you have been and gone a few times and come back, obviously this is not working of you and your husband knows it. Maybe suggesting to him that you live together, you will do your wifely duties and he will do his duty and the two of you are free to pursue others until such time as you find a job and move out and your kids are grow... that way it all "looks" good. Especially as he seems to think there is value in that.

I think if this were me I would do my best to find the best case scenario and go from there... what would be the best for you and your family? If you ask for that and he says no, what is the second best? what is the third best? In that way you keep your integrity and are honest and open until everyone settles into something that is workable for all. If he says no the first time, then keep asking! It's not fair to have control in this and if he insists, then you get to pick the best scenario, which sounds like means leaving. In this way you are respectful to him and considerate of your family dynamic and cultural concerns within your community. Better to start there I think, than to seem selfish.

Finding this illusive triad is the least of your concerns it seems. I would suggest that the dreams and fantasies you are having are more about having adventure and moving on in your life as a single woman. Sure, a triad might happen one day...

Actually, what you describe sounds more like a vee than a triad... do these men have sex and their own relationship a part from you in these dreams? If they do then that is a triad. For some reason, the term triad is lumped onto any configuration where there are three and the description is confusing to me as to me there are huge differences between triads and vees...

I am in a MFM vee . I am also 41. I have a husband and a live in boyfriend. We raise a child together. My husband and I never were concerned with the state of marriage and what was expected of us as a married couple. We never put any of those roles on each other and never subscribed to any norm... At one point we used to say that he is the wife and I the husband in terms of roles... its pretty much true now too actually. It is possible to create whatever you want out of your marriage...

I don't know what living in the south is like, I live on the west coast of Canada... but perhaps freeing yourself from everyone's expectations, asking your husband to do the same and figuring out what it is that would work better would be a good place to start.

Maybe just getting out into the world and doing some traveling and exploring of different cultures within your own country and in North America in general would help open your mind to possibility and give you confidence to ask for what you need. Anything is possible and it is all valid to ask for.

Please don't cheat though... its really not a good option... do a tag search for "cheating" and "affairs" and you will see some disastrous results. You might think your husband doesn't care what you do,,, but I would be very surprised if he cared so little that cheating wouldn't affect him.
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