Originally Posted by preciselove
I feel they aren't really being honest with themselves or their partners when they just throw everything under the "love" cloud - "oh yeah that boner in my pants I just got for that girl is love baby, and remember polyamory is about sharing the love" .
The irony here is my observation comes from the other direction. I find to many people throw friendship under the "love" cloud (speaking about romantic love). I am beginning to realize this is where I seem to differ greatly from people in poly.
In my head I can easily break out friendship and romantic love. I can then split it into crush, lust, puppy love and real long term love. Can I define it for others (as GS keeps asking
) no, I can't. I can't define it for anyone, just like no one is going to tell me friendship and a new lover fall equally in line with each other.
- Both can take time away from your primary lover
- Both can have activities that include your primary lover
- Both can involve complex emotional issues
I can understand where this can overlap. But it so doesn't work in the same way. Yes friendship can take away some of those times (or be included), but the emotional connection or removal isn't there. The time itself is very different, and even if there are complex emotions... it just doesn't compare to a love. On the surface you are right but you are missing the deeper emotional side of those periods of time.
That is really my only point. To the misc conversation that is starting about poly and sex vs the intentions of the person. I think you will find it pretty diverse. Some people are poly because they enjoy sex and love, and some people are poly because they just want the love, the sex doesn't need to be there. That POV is up to you guys, arguing it isn't going to get you very far. As someone who needs that sexual connection with romantic love... I stand clearly on one side of the fence, but I can understand the other side just fine.
For the record I do see a lot of poly people that claim to only want love and not be concerned for the sex... maybe its my cynical side, but I just can't believe them. Maybe if they were more honest about their needs they might find their preferred gender more approachable. I wonder how many of those guys having problems picking up poly women are having that problem because they aren't being honest about a portion of their intentions (with themselves or others).