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Old 03-24-2011, 10:47 AM
RobFire RobFire is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Milford, Michigan
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Default Justificinationess...

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
Sexual activities need to reoccur to be rewarding.
In some cases, yes. In some cases, no. Depends on what the person seeking sex defines as "rewarding".

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
Generally speaking. You may have some good memories, but they pale in comparison to the act of having sex with NRE.
NRE+sex is one flavor, Long Term Love+sex is another. Both have different rewards, and neither is necessarily a bad thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
As such the sex is the driver for a lot of people, yet they usually say otherwise, because then it's not "love" or "poly" it's just typical sex like most people have.
Gross generalization. Those types of people do exist, but so do the types of people who call themselves poly and also maintain legitimate long term relationships with their partners.

One could reverse that and show that many people calling themselves mono often have nefarious intentions as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
It does need justification in my mind, because if the main reason you're doing something is the sex but you're saying otherwise then you should be able to defend your position so it's clearly "not mostly about the sex".
This is like saying a smoker who keeps trying to quit, but keeps failing, needs to justify why they'd still want to keep trying to quit. Their track record may be poor, but it does not invalidate their stated desire to quit.

Their chances of success may be perceived as low, but I'd still encourage them to keep trying.

It's another issue if you don't *trust* the person's motives. But that's something that can only be applied to people on an individual basis, not generalized towards a whole group.

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
If you think most people are honest, even with themselves, when it comes to such things you probably need to learn a bit more about human behaviour. It of course doesn't apply to everyone, and some people are honest about it. I have no qualms with people that know what they want and are honest about it.
Do I believe all people are honest about their intentions? No.

However, if I start from the *assumption* that they are not, I close myself to the rewards that can be gained from those that are.

If I start by giving them the benefit of doubt, I may get hurt. May get burned. But I may also hit the relationship jackpot that I seek.

No pain, no gain.

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
However when I see the love is infinite people and then ask some questions about their long term partners there are usually some 'issues' lurking there. I also do not think many people fully analyze a situation and work out what motivates them to do something. They may latch onto an idea that sounds nice in their head, but it's just that, a nice sounding thing that they feel good about. They'll even defend it like it's really "them" due to this nice feeling they get.
Issues lurk in both mono and poly relationships. Mono relationships don't have that great a statistical success rate, even in institutionalized marriage.

Poly relationships are more challenging to manage than mono due to the additional partners in play.

Though rare, super-duper high-quality mono and poly relationships exist. Both , IMHO, have rewards worth pursuing.
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