Thanks for the replies Quath and Redpepper.
Yes, we're going to be living together again, hopefully within a few weeks, and will then do so permanently. I would be reluctant to look for another partner while my husband were not present, as i think it'd make his feelings of insecurity worse. I'm basically planning (if emotions can ever be restrained by plans), to keep a lid on my feelings for a few months at least, and not act on them, to give my husband time to feel settled in his new home, and for us to re-adapt to living together.
The triad...i as much admitted to my husband that the 'sides of the triangle' might be uneven, ie, the three of us might have different levels of closeness and intensity. If i sat my husband down and said i was in love with someone, i'd probably be more into him than my husband, but i i felt it might be better if they at least got on really well with each other, and felt very close even if in a more...good friend/fondess way, than a madly in love way. The mutual 'availability' in a physical sense suggestion was designed to try and help that feeling of closeness and stop jealousy.
I do see, however, that you're right, and it's probably never going to be completely equal emotionally or physically. I mean, you never know, but it's unlikely, i do agree. Rather than try to force things, as you said, do you think we'd be better if I just tried to ensure that any future additional partner i had, was someone who got on well with my husband?
If i took an additional partner, of course he'd have the right to also do so. I'm ok with it i theory, though it's easy for me to understand my partner's worries because i share a lot of them. The idea of another man 'with' him does make me jealous of my husband's physical 'attention', and his loving someone else would make me feel insecure about possibly losing him. I think those worries *might* be lessened if 1-i were also in an additional relationship, and 2- if his other partner were someone i was emotionally close to myself, someone who i had a 'best friends' relationship with.
Obviously i have slightly conflicting feelings about it. I want additional partners, and would obviously not deny him them, and frankly he and I have always shared a double edged sense of titilation and jealousy when discussing our atractions to other men. Which, btw, is somehting we often do, usually without any trouble. I'll say i find a guy hot, he'll do the same. We even sometimes share more than that minor observation with one another, but that said, like him, i am somewhat ambivilent when the shoe's *actually* on the other foot. If i'm totally honest, when he said he didn't want other partners i was slightly relieved, but felt too guilty to say "well i still do". As i explained to him at the time, i didn't feel good about the idea of leaving my husband on his lonesome however many nights a week to spend time with an additional partner, and liked the Triad idea cause it seemed fairer.
When i suggested the Triad, i think his interest was slightly peaked, prettty much giving me a minimum condition with his 'very special person' comment. I also gave him an example of someone we might both like (who's not a viable candidate) and he admitted that, as i know, he's really sexually attracted o them, but that it'd have to be more than purely physical to work.
I think i may have stoked his interest in either he triad, or maybe, should i ask to deviate from that, having his own partner. If that were the case, i'd have to ride that wave when it hit me.
Maybe i need to work on my own jealousy? Maybe i need to discuss wih him what might occur if the situation were reversed, how i'd feel, and the possibilities in terms of having other partners. I know i'm selfish, but i think I'm glad he's less enhusiastic about having other partners himself, and i'm much more at ease with the idea of him being close friends with my additional partner, and satisfying any desire he has for variety with them if they were 'game' for that (which doesn't seem to be too great, he's sexually as well as emotionally very monogamous, my husband, though obviously he does have desire for other men).
Well...i have some more to think about. Thanks so much for the advice and comments so far. My husband is away today, and we won't be 'chatting' online or on the phone until tomorrow, so i'm really glad for your help in the meantime.
PS again: sorry for the awful spelling, etc. I wrote this earlythis morning before work, and my 'T' key has broke, hence all the missing or extra 't'ses, lol. I've cleaned up most of them i think.
Last edited by Inbetweener; 03-24-2011 at 03:36 PM.