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Old 03-24-2011, 05:40 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I'm dyslexic too Faraday. Writing on here has greatly helped me actually. As has the dawn of the mobile phone. I can read on there! and not on here depending on the settings the computer I use has. I use a net book actually as its screen is small. I set the zoom to something larger too...

I still get confused and get that blank thing that happens in my brain when I look on certain pages on here... its very frustrating and I just want to throw the lap top sometimes. I get where you are coming from.

Just my thought I'm sure River was trying to help though... I've known him a long while on here now and he isn't the type to be condescending I think. None of us intend that here most of the time, especially those of us who have been here a long time... just not that kind of forum... it's more of a honest open communication type space than condescending. It can come off as that in type though... he could of been light heartedly poking fun without realizing the circumstance. Needless to say, if it were me, and I was reading what he wrote, I would attempt to shrug it off.

As to babies; ya, change everything, as has been said. I think really considering your involvement and how much you want to invest in them as parents and their baby would be a good place to start... maybe check in with them about this too. They might want you involved, and then again, they might not.

Then throw it all out the window, because no one knows what it is like until it happens. Best intentions are a great place to start, but I don't think they should expect that you will be swimmingly in love with the fact that for a good long time you won't be getting a drop of attention, likely no sex, and in fact, will likely be the last person they will want to have to engage in that way as they likely won't be engaging in each other that way either.

New parents are selfish. Not in a bad way, just in a way that is necessary. The baby is selfish and therefore the parents are too because they are responsible for giving EVERYTHING to their child. Once they have, there is nothing left for themselves, let alone another partner that is not involved with the baby.

This is where your choice comes in... I think the question would be; be involved by doing everything they ask, not demanding or asking for a thing, giving entirely to them and what they need for at least a year or more and being the best damned "auntie" you can be OR see them occasionally and casually and let it ride out until they either have time for you and you for them in the way you feel more like giving, or you and them move on.

I would think you would have to listen to yourself in terms of what reason you yourself don't want to have kids. Is it because you don't like them? or because you just don't want to have that kind of responsibility? Answering that for yourself and them might help make the decision to continue, once baby is made, easier.

Bottom line? Be honest with yourself... and then them.

If you do a tag search for "children" or "kids" you will find some threads that might interest you on this topic.
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