Originally Posted by faraday
That's great. But what does sticking it out look like to you? How did friends stay close? Were there ways that they felt to present? What made you feel like they were there for you?
I want to be clear that I really want them to have kids I just don't know how to best support them. And I know I will talk with them a lot and we will figure it out but I also wanted to talk to poly parents about what works for you with secondary partners.
Faraday-good questions! Honestly, it's different for each person. GG obviously took a hands on role with the kids (obvious if you read other posts of mine on here). He's very much another parent to them as is Mimi.
However, J&C are only involved with the kids as in "if there was an emergency they would grab the kids for me", but they keep in touch by email and come hang out for holidays.
Midnightsun and her family are willing to take kids to babysit if needed, but most of our social time is spent without the kids (theirs or ours).
E is available anytime we go into town for a short visit, keeps in touch by email or texting, asks about the kids but rarely see's them beyond a special occasion, like coming to the hospital when our grandbaby was born in Feb.
It's really a matter of finding YOUR comfort level with each other. I don't think someone who isn't comfortable babysitting should pretend that they are-it's just not necessary.
BUT-it is important to accept that without a babysitter available, they may be unable to have kid-free time to hang out, so a willingness to visit when kids are around is very helpful.
That does not mean you need to PARENT their kids-much like a friend, I don't expect any lover to parent my kids, I expect them to respect that I need to.