Idealist Poly Blog Part 36- I found a female partner!!!
Hello everyone!! I’ve been reading, but haven’t posted in a while.
I finally met a woman and have been seeing her since November!!! I wanted to share my experiences around this with everyone who might be interested.
I have desired a female partner for about 5 years now. I had a profile on okcupid for a year. I was about to delete my profile, but decided “what the heck….it’s free” - so I kept it active and one evening, I did a search and found her!!!
She has been in open relationships before, but she did not integrate herself with the social circle and families of her partners in the past…..for some reason and wasn’t feeling comfortable with the thought of meeting my other partners etc.. I, on the other hand, am integrated into the social circles and lives of my partners and they are integreated with mine. She and I had not been able to come up with a vision of how we could move forward into our relationship so that each of us are honored and comfortable as well as getting our needs met.
She is a lesbian and is most comfortable in the gay community for social interactions. All of my partners and friends are heterosexual and not familiar with the gay community.
So- a few weeks ago, one Saturday evening, she texted me to say she was at the local gay club. I was in the middle of the party at my house (that I didn’t invite her to because she is simply not ready) and we had all decided to go out. So--- I got the idea to ask the group how they would feel about dressing up for Mardi Gras and going to the gay bar which has a great lit dance floor and kareoke. The men were uncomfortable with the idea, but all of the women seemed excited about it. My primary male partner (Richard) was here and he didn’t seem to care one way or the other. I told everyone that my girlfriend would be there.
We decided on the way there that if anyone was uncomfortable or wanted to leave we would. Everyone was so nice to my girlfriend and treated her like they’ve known her all their life. We had so much fun!!! Everyone enjoyed it so much!! Now, because the ice has been broken, she has asked to become friends on Facebook with some of my friends and a few days later she bought a 100 page Hal Leonard guitar tabs book at a garage sale for Richard. When I gave it to him a week later, he sat there with it for an hour going through it page by page talking about each song!!
Last weekend, we attended another social event with more of my friends including Charles and Holland. Everyone loved her!!!
So- things are going good for me.
We have not been sexual yet, because we don’t want to fall into the “too much too soon” dynamic which can ruin a relationship and I really feel like this could be a long term connection on many levels which is what I have desired for so long!!! We do have plans to go to New Orleans for a weekend, so we’ll see!!!
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.