Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
I have a super-embarrassing tendency to sometimes get into the same reflexive lying trap. My reasoning behind this is something as lame as 'I don't want to hurt them', 'This is not the place to deal with this, let's get home first' or 'I need time to figure out how to break this out to them softly'. When confronted over the phone, I'm especially prone to guttural reactions like these. It's a bad communication peeve I need to work to get rid off.
There is a time and a place for things. Telling someone bad news when they are in another crisis or when you are at a group family function, for example, is probably not the best idea.
However, I think for the vast majority of the time, telling those you care about the naked truth saves them more pain in the long run. Also, by not telling them the truth you are robbing them of the true story and possibly yourself of what their true reaction would be. My husband thought I would hate him and leave him if I knew about him being poly so he lied and cheated on me. Now he realizes that him being poly is not a bad thing to me, it is the betrayal and the lies that have almost split us apart.
We live, we learn (hopefully...
I am trying to learn that I cannot control things except myself. He will be him and I will be me. I am also learning what I need and what I want and seperating that from his needs and wants. I have a long way to go on this.