Becoming a triangle from a wife's POV
It all started a few years ago with my own curiosity. Something that I had always wondered about. I first asked my husband if he would ever be interested in giving a threesome a go a few years back after a party we had. Nothing more than that. Just a bit of fun. Nothing really was said about the subject for a few years, so it shocked and kind of scared me when he brought it up last October after having many MANY medical issues that caused me to realize how lost I would be without him. That I truly did need him for myself to survive.
There was this girl he worked with that he thought fit what we would want in a threesome,someone I had only met twice before, and wondered if I would be willing to try with her.
The immediate thought was one of absolute terror. I knew she had interest in him , and now it seemed the feeling was mutual. How could Ipossibly fit into that? And after 15 years of marriage that started when we were 17 how could I be assured that I ever could find a role in this? Would I loose everything? Feelings that I was not enough for him anymore. How would I, How COULD I go on without him if this ends badly and it takes him out of my life? All fears that any wife would feel going into something like this. And very valid fears that I had to make myself ok with in order to proceed.
It took a lot of work to get myself to the point that I was willing to give it a try. Kris was awesome. He did a fantastic job of keeping me reassured and made sure I knew very well that this was just fun. It was me he loved, and at the time, I must admit I was in it to make him happy. But letting go of him even a little bit was the hardest thing I have ever done. I could see that this was something he wanted now, and I was curious, so I figured if all else fails at least I will get a new experience out of the deal. I loved him enough to give what he wanted a try.
So I just stopped over thinking it and gave it a go.
He talked to our "M" and she was shocked. I do not think that when she expressed interest in HIM she bargained to get us both, and she and I did not know each other well at all. After a few awkward meetings she and I became more comfortable with each other and to my honest surprise, this was a bit easier than I thought it would be. Things progressed to a deeper level after that.
She held me tight. She took such good care of me. She was able to notice things immediately that it took Kris a while and a little prodding to take notice of. LOL. She was so attentive to my feelings. She never did anything without making sure I was 100% ok with it first. We would make jokes that we were going to run away together just me and her. We made road trips and shopping trips.How could I NOT fall in love with that? Between the two of them I had everything I ever wanted and needed and new things I had no idea before now that even existed. It was pure bliss. We had it all, and we wanted to give her the world.
We introduced her to the kids, and had many family outings and diners and she fit very well into our family. The kids, after a little coaxing for our 15 year old, grew to love her as any other part of the family. And that is exactly what she became; part of the family. Obviously at this point our view of her as being a fun new toy had changed into one of pure love and adoration. We were willing to give her our lives.
Then rather suddenly after a few months of heaven something changed. She stopped responding to text messages that I sent to her every night to wish her a good nights sleep. She would come over and glow at the sight of Kris, and visa versa, but the caring and attentiveness she had for me went away. I tried to just chock it up to my own jealousy, something I knew I would have to deal with at some point , and that my mind was reading more into the situation than was really there.
But after a few weeks of the same, I brought it up to the both of them. She did tell me then she was having feelings for him and she was just trying to deal with jealousy of her own but she assured me everything would be ok, and just like I was, she was working on it within herself, and she didn't want to hurt me. She loved me enough to not want these feelings that were arising in her for him. But there was a bond between them. They work together and see each other every day the same circle of friends, etc. I only got to see her once a week or so. It was understandable. She assured me that she was NOT here to take him away from me and she had no intention of ever allowing that to happen.
She tried bless her heart. She cared enough about me to step out of the picture in the end. I know she loves me, but it is not the same, and I can not blame her or feel anger to her for that in one bit. We started this as fun and it became something very different, Something very "odd" to a lot of people. It hurt me to see her try so hard to force the same feelings for me that I had developed for her.
She was not Bi. She was young. She could not exactly introduce us to her family as her loves, so I understand, and despite the "M" shaped hole we both have in our lives now, we let her go. We gave her the last thing we could give to her, and that was a chance at a "normal" life.
For a week after Kris and I held each other and cried pretty much constantly.. We missed our "Sexy triangle", the feel of 4 arms instead of 2, I missed my friend.
Let me tell you how strange a feeling it is to hold your husband while he is crying over someone else, Or being held tight tight while you cry being held the one you love most in the world, and craving a different set of arms. I feel so guilty sometimes crying over her with him right here, but it helps that we are not in it alone, and we gained a best friend.
We still have each other, and we learned a lot about ourselves and what we want. What we need now. We will go forward from here with the knowledge we gained, different rules, new understanding of ourselves....
It shocks me that through this experience, one that could have torn the two of us apart has done the opposite. We are more bonded than we have ever been though our marriage. I am not scared anymore. We simply have too much love for two people to contain alone. What a wonderful ailment that is to have.