I don't have much help to offer here, but I was wondering, if you use female pronouns for Pretty when in a safe place, any reason you don't here? Is it because this isn't a safe place? (
) or are you worried sentences like "her penis" would be weird?
Because I can assure you that people here wouldn't have a problem with it. It might take a little bit to process the relationship dynamics at first (it always does with poly anyways) but once that's establish, it should be fine. Pretty isn't the only genderqueer we hear about around here.
But maybe I misunderstood and Pretty is neither or both, so you just picked one for here, and use a different one when you're home, or something?