View Single Post
Old 03-21-2011, 07:22 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,677

It sounds like her version of poly is random hook ups with guys she meets on dating sights... rather than love and committing to a process and journey with a few people that are worth investing in. To me having two partners is enough when it comes to investing deeply and connecting with others to a point of committing to working on something other than sex. Any more and its just fucking and/or friendship. That's just me though...

I happen to have three partners I'm sexual with and one I am not however. Derby I don't see that often as we have other commitments and are okay with this arrangement. My fourth boyfriend I see once a month for romantic dates. We have worked hard to get where we are at and took it slow. I did begin with the fuck everything in sight thing though. From being a teen until now (I'm 41).

It seems like your little poly discussion opened a flood gate for her and she is happily fucking whomever she wants. Fun; but not ideal for a deep and connected relationship I think. Provided that is what she wants at the moment... if she thinks that she will find one the way things have been going I suggest not.

I only hope she is protecting herself and checking in with her body and staying connected to herself. Women can get very used in these types of situations and can lose themselves to it... if she is looking for stability and someone to love her for her inner being I would wonder if this is the best way to go about it. I found my actions didn't lead me to any love, just more of the same... still it was somewhat fun. Well actually I thought it was fun at the time, but now I just remember being completely disconnected from those that actually did love me and that just makes me sad.

No one could tell me anything at the time. I thought I was hot shit and no one could touch me inside. It took Mono telling me I might want to look at what I was doing a bit more closely to see if it was really achieving the goal I had in mind of being loved. I was being loved for my body and the fact that I put out, not for who I was as a person. I was very grateful to Mono that he pointed that out... such a gift and a long journey to find myself again ensued.

It sounds like you are on the same wave length in that you are looking for women to be with and have sex too. That is awesome, but I would wonder if seeing yourself and her as having an open relationship not poly would help... poly seems to develop with time and investment.. at least for me it has... maybe this is all semantics though and I just describe my poly as different. Still, it might help you separate your feelings of wanting her to commit more to what you have. Open relationships seem to indicate more sex than love... which is what you and her have been seeking it seems.

I think that this woman is not invested in a relationship with you... she doesn't seem connected enough to allow your relationship to develop into something solid for you both to grow from... she is doing her own thing, I suggest you do your own thing also. She doesn't seem like a primary partner, but a woman you like to be with and fuck but she has her own single style poly thing going on.

If you want some one who is more committed then you could suggest it, but I don't think she is indicating she wants that... I would move on and find a woman that is more into a growing relationship who is willing to go slowly and add relationships that are about connection and compatibility rather than sex. You could hang on to her for sex and occasional good times together, but not invest in her... she doesn't seem at all interested. The fact that she likes being with you over others is just words to me. She isn't indicating with her actions that this is so or she would spend quality time with you developing a relationship based on something other than sex...
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog

Last edited by redpepper; 03-21-2011 at 07:25 PM.
Reply With Quote