Originally Posted by habitat
On the other hand, I'm afraid that by "allowing" him to just pursue this in spite of the clear boundaries we'd already communicated, and my desire to go a bit slower, we will set a precedent for disrespect and disregard of my feelings. I'm not sure how to feel and I wish I knew how upset I should be getting!
This bit stuck out at me. Have you communicated this fear to him? He sounds like a pretty decent person, who seems to have gotten caught up in NRE and the moment.
Boundaries are a give and take. He's taken already by stepping over the boundary. What do you need to feel more comfortable with his relationship with Ladybug? Ask that of him, and then set a time to review that boundary, if he feels it to be chafing. The review could be a week, two weeks, a month down the line, but it will allow you time to process, and also gives him a date that he knows such boundaries will be reviewed by, so he's not feeling trapped by you.
As for how upset you should be ... Well, you don't sound too upset with the transgression itself, more the implications of it. (i.e. continued disrespect) So, if it feels natural to let it go, then do so. If you need some time to get over it, take that time. Everyone deals with hurt differently, so don't feel like you have a quota of upsetness that you must fill.
I'm a pansexual female, married to and living with Indigo
(straight male), in a relationship with and living with Mr. A (straight, mono male).
One day I might stop "practicing" polyamory and just start living it!
Here Be Dragons
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Nobody gets a toaster oven for recruiting monos.