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Old 03-21-2011, 05:55 AM
amnesiac amnesiac is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Default How do you know you're poly?

In virtually every relationship I've been in, particular over the past four years or so, I've experienced a tremendous amount of ambivalence and indecisiveness. as soon as I start reaching the point where I have to start to commit to something, I get this feeling that I'm "locked in" and just feel anxious and suffocated and have this really insistent worry about making the wrong decision... so you can imagine the effect that would have on any feelings I do have for someone. I feel like such a stereotypical guy in my phobia of commitment, and I don't like that.

So lately I've been wondering whether all of these feels of ambivalence and worry I have associated with my monogamous relationships might indicate that I might be better suited for polyamory. I'm really not convinced that it does indicate that -- I think it might just indicate that I have deeper issues regarding relationships that I have to resolve somehow. and that there's a chance I might only be attracted to polyamory as a band-aid for these issues. (For instance, I'm aware that a poly relationship still requires commitment, just as a monogamous one does).

And at the moment, there is someone who I do have feelings for and could get involved with... I chose not to, but now am regretting that decision, and wondering whether I could have a conversation with that person about trying a poly / open relationship. I think she might be open to it, but the last thing I want to do would be to do that for the wrong reasons. I don't want to persuade this person who I care about to enter a poly relationship with me if the real reason I want that is because I'm just not capable or not sure enough about her to make a commitment.

I'm sorry if this post is completely incoherent -- I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how do you know you're poly, as opposed to just having issues with commitment / decisiveness that need to be addressed in other ways?
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