thanks cindie. i guess i do that a lot, kind of ask what's ok, when we all know everything can be ok depending on who's involved. what i really mean to ask is what's the norm, what have people here tried and how did it work out?
as for the sex in earshot, i have thought about finding something to do while that's going on. but it almost seems cowardly to me. no offense to anyone who works this way. i just feel like, if i am doing this, if this is all going to be a part of my life, i need to be able to embrace it all.
let me explain our current living arrangments. K lives with C, not here. but she comes over what amounts to every other day. spending the night 2 out of 3 times. we have two bedrooms, but R and i never slept regularly in either one. in 'my room' is a twin bed and not much else. in 'R's room' there is a futon and all his man cave stuff (tvs, gaming systems, computer...) before K, R slept in his room and i slept in the living room, which opens into his room.
so that means that when he's in his room with K, and i'm in the living room where i generally hang out, there's only a door between us. the plan is on our next pay day to make my room more inviting. then i can hang out there, so there's more than one door in between us all. we are thinking this will help all of us be more at ease.