Originally Posted by Thespian
I feel weak and helpless - surely a stronger man would take control of the situation - .
What?? Listen man, you stopped having an affair, came clean with your wife and ended a relationship with a woman you love. Who the fuck is any stronger than you? If you ask me, putting the big picture of your family and the life you have built before your own desires is an amazing display of strength. I had an affair for two years and never once did I feel strong or in control. Instead, I spiraled out of control and laid waste to more than a few hearts that belonged to the people I cared for the most.
Only through counselling and the influence of Redpepper did I find the strength to end it with this woman. It was too late for me, my marriage was done (not just because of the affair) but hers was intact. She was devastated but I tried to point out the good in my decision. Did it hurt me? It sure did but that pain diminishes as does the pain of any breakup.
I'm not saying you should deny yourself anything but I am saying you should not downplay the strength you have.
I do have a question though..what would happen if you asked your wife to open up your relationship to other relationships in general but not this woman? Would you still be interested in poly?
Take care my friend and keep your chin up...you are not a man with a glass jaw. You took the hit and are still standing. Be proud.