Originally Posted by Thespian
T and I did a lot of talking, A and I did a lot of talking, but T and A didn't talk. I did everything I could to re-assure T, she was the number 1. Our sex life improved, T acknowledged I was much better to be with because I was happy. I made time to do things with T (after 30 years it's easy to get into ruts and not make time for each other). I arranged dates with A when T was doing something else so that she wouldn't be sat at home worrying. A wrote to T re-assuring her that she wasn't trying to steal me away (A loves her husband and has children still at home). T acknowledges that it has been a good time for our relationship. But T resolutely refused to discuss polyamory, or read anything about it or look at this forum.
I could see that it was tearing T apart. Even though she says that when she was having her affair she loved both her lover and me, it was impossible for her to be on the other side of the equation.
Ummm, hypocrisy much?
So you and T tried for 18 mos to work out how to be poly with A?
How could she feel it was a "good time for your relationship," but still be torn apart?
Frustrating! Maybe some couple counseling would lead to better communication skills.
Both of you cheated. This calls for deep honest communication. I am now separated from my ex of 30 years, btw, and it was because of bad communication skills (on his part... our counselor assured me I was doing and saying all the right things, and my ex just couldn't hear it).
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Last edited by Magdlyn; 03-19-2011 at 09:54 PM.