Thanks, TP. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who makes those mistakes.
I have a confession. I suppose there is a difference between a break up and a break down. After a long talk with my therapist, I realised that I am really floundering. And that it's ok to admit that I'm not ok. That simply suppressing my feelings does not equal progress necessarily. I realized that I've felt so isolated not having my friends know what's been going on with me. Today there was a belt test for one of my friends. O was there and it was really tough but I did get the chance to confide in one of our most trustworthy, mutual friends. And that felt good. He was really sympathetic and it felt like a huge relief to just come out with it and stop pretending like I'm fine. He was really supportive, trying to encourage me to come back to class. O sent me an email during the belt test, apologizing. I haven't responded. I'm really not sure what to say. I think I will take some time, share it with a few people and see what I decide.