Originally Posted by Thespian
So, I have sacrificed my happiness and A's for T. .
I got stuck on this. My husband does this a lot. I question or worry or am upset about something he has done or wants to do, then he gets all melodramatic self sacrificing and says I WONT DO THIS AT ALL THEN. Really, you aren't doing your wife any favors.
COMMUNICATION. That is where it is at. It seems like you are being a jerk to A. You are also being a jerk to T by being passive aggressive and sacrificing yourself for her when..if I get this right...she didn't ask you to. She just is not ready for what is happening, and cutting things off with A is not the only solution. Nothing wrong with putting a hold on your relationship with A, it might be hard but not the end of the world, and if T feels you are putting her needs first, that may go a long way towards her being able to get around to reading and learning about polyamory.
I do wish you well but I think you need to be kinder to yourself, and the women you care about. Feel free to sacrifice if you are asked, but I am pretty sure from experience that you are playing the martyr more than perhaps is necessary, because it is easier than really working at your relationship with your wife. So, that's my two cents as a woman who has had somebody "sacrifice" multiple things that I never wanted him to. Just talk from your heart to those you are saying you love.
Hope I haven't been too harsh, that sacrificing bit is one of my triggers apparently! Perhaps your wife told you they don't want you to talk to A at all, in which case, you can ignore most of what I said