Originally Posted by RitaFire
How many of you married and poly people got married with the original intention of remaining monogamous? And how have you dealt with poly?
my husband and i have been married 7 years this july and together for 5 before that. we were always exclusive and mono until this year, with poly never even entering our thoughts.
as far as how we've dealt? well it's a daily process.
in our case, my husband, R, is the one who wanted to open our relationship to another person. really a certain person. our thoughts at the beginning of this journey were that we owed it to ourselves to explore feelings, and to each other not to give up what we already had together. i wasn't sure i could share, somedays i'm still not.
but it's better than the alternative and i choose it every day.
and by that i don't mean i'd rather have half of him than none, not in that sad sort of self-loathing kind of way. but i take very seriously my motto on life, which i like to express in the quotes of others 'life's a journey, not a destination,' 'if you've never steered off into the distance then your life is a shame,' and 'i do not regret the things i've done, but those i did not do.'
all that to me means that i don't want him to stifle himself to stay with me, nor do i want to be with him alone, if that isn't what he wants. i would never ask that he put it all back in the bottle. and i don't want to leave and look back and wonder what we could have been, he and i, or he and she and i.
it certainly isn't easy. though it appears it will get easier as time goes by. and if it never does, well i'm choosing it every day now, i'll either keep choosing it every day, or i won't.
that's one thing i'm trying to keep a grasp on. my own power. i choose. i choose everything. i choose to stay, or go. i choose to be pleasant, or a bitch. i choose to let him find out what he really needs, or i suffocate him.
if you all haven't noticed already, i like quoting, so here's one more 'i was thorough when i looked for you, and i feel justified lying in your arms.' i want to know and i want him to know that where-ever we end up, him, me, her, and anyone else who happens inside our circle, i want us to know that nothing happened while we weren't looking. we all made choices.