"My main problem with myself is that trying to get into a monogamous relationship I get passed up because I am overweight and what everyone calls small endowed. So it kinda took a hit on my self esteem. Doing some research I found out out about polamory. I thought well hell, if monogomy is not working I may as well try this."
Poly folk, on average, are no more likely to find you attractive--or unattractive--than other folks. So you can throw out that "reasoning". It isn't reasonable, James.
You are probably gonna have to live with the size of your "stuff" ("equipment"?), but diet and exercise can slim you down, if you really want it. And as for the "equipment"? Not everyone likes big-uns. Some guys really
like the littler ones, I promise! There are all kinds. But if loving and being loved is what you want, there's no substitute for loving yourself. And when you love yourself you attract others who will feel the same way about both themselves and yourself -- and that's the only kind of love that really works, anyway. All of the other approaches, based on lack and fear, etc., end up creating unending drama and suffering. That drama and suffering is really unavoidable where there is a significant lack of self-loving.
I just corrected myself. First, I said, "lack of self-love" above. But that makes it look like a noun. And it isn't a noun! It's a verb. Self-loving is what you can do with yourself at any moment; and you can get better and better at it with practice, like golf, swimming, riding a bicycle, or learning to spell....
There's no other time than the present.
Okay, everyone! Big Self-Hugs!!