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Old 03-18-2011, 10:54 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by UncomplicateMe View Post
I guess that means she is looking for a poly-fi-quad?
My only warning against this would be making hard and fast rules early on. You just never know. You are in the middle of a beginning stage of poly. If you lock down the relationship, what kind of resentment might happen if someone else wants to swing? or be open?... poly-fi.. I think is something that is done over time.

Non-monogamy has a lot of options within it. Poly-fi begins to limit some of that. Unless you are all sure thats what you want of course.

It might sound like I am down on poly-fi. I am not. Just one of those things everywhere should be aware of

My biggest source of anxiety about the whole situation is the lack of communication regarding J and R's potential divorce. D did see a card (inadvertently) from R to J while we were there that expressed her regret, and her desire to repair her relationship with J, but it did not go into specifics, so D doesn't really know what is going on.
I would be extremely hesitant to engage with a couple who is breakng up or potentially. Call me a pessimist, but this could go so badly very quickly. Who do you stick with after, in their emotional upheaval they could become very needy. Lots of problems. Not to mention just bringing that poison into your relationship, even by accident.

I guess I'm posting this in hopes of getting some outside perspective to let me know if I'm approaching our situation in a reasonable way. My personal feeling is that I want to continue the sexual relationships between myself and R, as well as J and D, but I don't want to make the divorce situation even more volatile between J and R. Since that is on the brink, can D and I make it worse? Is it possible D and I could help J and R move back closer to each other?
I would put the brakes on and protect yourself. As friends, explain to them why and then help them through it. Give them space to breathe and figure out if thats the direction they want. Otherwise you might end up being a bandaid.. I couldn't imagine that kind of pressure while trying to maintain a sexual and romantic relationship.

They need to heal themselves, imo
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