Mr Far From Right--I was comparing the bond between the GF and my husband and the bond between her and I. They've obviously had a relationship for longer than she and I have and have built up their feelings for one another. She and I are in a very different place that may or may not help all of us evolve into a triad. For now it is definitely a vee.
I hear you on the differences in the two types of jealousy and I do feel like I can see the difference in those. Since things have come out into the open, neither one of them has treated me poorly. In fact, they've tried to be as sensitive as possible. That doesn't negate lingering feelings, of course, from when they were keeping things from me.