Originally Posted by PLove
[...] Although we're open to the possibility of this being a triad, in reality it's still definitely a vee--she and my husband have the much stronger bond.
I also wholeheartedly agree that we need to work on the trust issues AND that my husband is maturing in this. It's been a process for both of us, breaking out of old ways of doing things and old mindsets.
Probably what has been most valuable to me in this thread is receiving validation from people about the impact that the cheating has had on my thinking. You've all really helped me separate out those aspects of my feelings that are related to needing to rebuild trust and those that are more about my own insecurities. I think that if we can build the trust, moving at a pace that indicates they are willing to work with me on the trust, I can move to a place where I'm comfortable allowing the relationships to evolve in the ways that they need to, including having it be a vee if that's what they want.
"she and my husband have the much stronger bond
" Do you mean much stronger than the bond between you and her or (in addition to that) much stronger than the bond between you and him? In case you feel the latter, please remember that your bond with him goes back over a longer time. Both you and he should be aware of the inebriating effects of New Relationship Energy (NRE) and take that into account.
Something I left out in my original comment on jealousy (I talked about this on another thread [my second comment here
] - with an example from my past - and I think that it's pertinent to your case): I differentiate between jealousy as insecurity and "jealousy" as in a sense of being treated unfairly and shabbily by someone who's supposed to love you. I gather that you've also recognised the distinction between the two. Let's hope that by dealing with the (in my opinion justified) second kind with the other 2 in this thrango [it takes two to tango, it takes three to thrango], you can lessen your hold on the first (less "justified" because you are
worth it, so you shouldn't feel insecure [but I KNOW! It takes time...])