Originally Posted by sweetie
So I guess what I'm asking is if tommyc is okay with what we share, and Sea is okay with what we share, and I'm okay with what we share, why am I feeling guilty?
Maybe your guilt is related to the thought that you're placing a constraint
on TommyC? TommyC may not experience this as a constraint at present, but he may in the future. Who knows? But it sounds like you'd come unglued if TommyC were to become "romantically" involved with yet another, outside of your happy "V", and TommyC probably knows that is the case; and maybe, on principle, you'd like to be less apt to become unglued..., if....
Personally, I'm sympathetic with your resistance to TommyC taking on yet another full-on lover. That I'm sympathetic, however, doesn't mean I approve
of your attitude, only that I'd likely feel similarly if I were in a similar situation -- but only because there are real time constraints we all have, even if love itself cannot be constrained.
That is, I have no doubt that folks can love three or even four folks fully -- but if each of these are themselves monogamous, physical facts of time and space, along with the common need of mere humans to sleep at night
( >punching buttons on electronic calculator, here< ), suggest the potential for reasonable complaint if the poly person in the grouping spreads his enthusiasms far and wide.
What you need to figure out is whether it all comes down to the real human constraint we all have on hours in the day and week, or something else. Only then can you move forward in understanding why you want to place a constraint, and whether that is a reasonable desire on your part. Etc.