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Old 03-17-2011, 10:56 PM
notmyusual notmyusual is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 4
Unhappy Poly Housing Dilemma

Hi all,
I would really appreciate any advice anyone could give on my situation.

I'm dating a wonderful man who is also dating another very nice woman. This is all very above-board and open and the three of us have been getting along great for six months now. It's a fairly equal relationship and both me and the other woman are primaries to him.

This summer, several bedrooms in her house will become available. Our boyfriend is moving into one of them. I asked if I could move into (and pay rent on) one of the others.

While she hasn't said "absolutely not," she doesn't want me to. She's talking to various friends of ours about giving them the bedroom instead. (The boyfriend is sympathetic to me, but says it's ultimately her decision.)

I feel very hurt and shut out by this. It's an awkward situation since I don't feel right demanding that she let me live in her house... but I think she should. I'm scared of a situation where she has dinner with him and sleeps with him almost every night and I come over once or twice a week. It would make me feel like I was their "third," like I no longer had an equal relationship with our boyfriend.

I also feel like living in a poly house has the opportunity to just be awesome fun and I'd hate to miss out on that. They're great people and I think they'd be great to live with. (My current housing, while adequate, is no fun at all. It's a place to sleep.)

What should I do here? I'm worried that it's too pushy to say "you HAVE to give me that room," but that if I just let things go the way they're going I'll be literally shut out of my place in the relationship. How do I talk to them about this?
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