Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight
ii) "Feminist" means we aspire to a new kind of interpersonal relationships without inequalities and malaises rife in standard patriarchal society: powerful/powerless, master/servant, boss/worker, owner/owned, buyer/seller...
Emotional healing thru an inequal power exchange is quite common. "Good" Masters are interested in their sub's healing and emotional growth. (I personally know several couples who have experienced this, and in fact in my own relationship w my gf, even tho I am not fully her Domme, I am more assertive and sometimes she does just ask me to make decisions for her. Also she has said she feels "safe" when bound by a trusted partner.) Take this article as a case in point. I found it by googling "emotional healing thru bdsm."
Is the BDSM Lifestyle a Healing Experience for Submissives or Dominants Recovering from Trauma?
The best book I have read on this topic is Radical Ecstasy.
(The authors wrote the poly classic, The Ethical Slut.)
Amazon review of Rad Ecstasy
If you're looking for a how-to book of tying up your partner, techniques for using tools, what parts of the body are safe to strike, etc., you'll have to look elsewhere in other books that cover these subjects. If, on the other hand, you want to know why on Earth would anybody want to do this in the first place, you've hit the jackpot in "Radical Ecstasy."
If you think BDSM is all about cruelty, Dossie and Janet will convince you otherwise. They are incredibly articulate about psychological processes that are nearly impossible to describe. Come along with players on their journeys to the darkest, scariest parts of their minds and watch them emerge cleansed, whole, free, and (most importantly of all) LOVED by their play partners. Their role-plays may well be more effective than hypnosis or years of therapy on a shrink's couch. The authors feel their words do not do the experiences justice, but truly they are too modest.
I had the good fortune to meet Dossie and Janet at a Polyamory convention, having already read their classic "The Ethical Slut" which is far-and-away the best and most practical book about the dynamics of Polyamory. They are cool ladies who would be mistaken for ordinary vanilla if you didn't know otherwise. "Radical Ecstasy" is every bit as revelatory as "The Ethical Slut," opening up a whole new world for me.
At one point in reading it, I collapsed in cathartic laughter that made tears stream down my face, when I suddenly realized that I had always been fascinated with bondage games, even as early as age 8. My obsession with "Perils of Pauline" scenes became a source of enormous ridicule from my schoolmates, so embarrasing I never dared breathe a word of it to anyone for more than 30 years. At long last, Dossie and Janet proved that there was nothing wrong with me after all! I was merely trying to act out a logical resolution to the school-bully problem. My first-ever night at a BDSM club saw me tied to a St. Andrew's Cross while wearing the most demure, innocent, Victorian-vintage lace dress imaginable. Eventually, I might finally get to act out a resistance/takedown/rescue scene where I get chased all over the dungeon . . .
THANK YOU, Dossie and Janet, for sharing your amazing love with the world.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37