Thumper doesn't get along with his family really well. His mom is a basket case, loves to manufacture drama, and she runs the family. His sister is pretty much a carbon copy of his mom, and all the guys have been trained to retreat into silence rather than deal with conflict with the women. His brother married a woman much like his mother and sister... she dumped him recently in favor of one of his friends.
Our daughter loves her cousins, and, as she's an only child without much other family, we want to foster her relationship with them as well as with her grandparents on that side, so long as there is no danger that Thumper's mom will damage our girl psychologically.
The whole family is going to a waterpark for the weekend early next month. Thumper doesn't like being around his mother and sister (understatement... and neither do I, for that matter). He has avoided them for years, our daughter being the main reason he has any contact with them at all. Still, we knew the kiddo would love to go and be with her cousins, so, after discussing it, we reluctantly agreed.
Later, contemplating the situation, Thumper says to me, "We could invite T-Rex." (Of course, he used his real name.)
We had a laugh over that, being a bizarre thought... not a way of thinking we had experience with. We're out to our friends and my mom, but not many other people yet. It just hasn't come up yet. We're pretty open, generally, and I'm really uncomfortable with deception or pretending to be something I'm not. We're also really into letting our relationships develop at their own pace, and not trying to make them fit any predefined mold.
So, after a pause, Thumper says, "He would make it more fun. Give us someone to hang out with."
I agreed. We thought about it some more, and I asked Thumper if I should invite him. The idea didn't seem so weird after a little while, and T-Rex is the kind of guy who'd be a BLAST at a waterpark. He has this delightfully whimsical nature and is great at being in the moment.
So, we did, and he accepted. He said it would be an interesting social experiment.
He's going to stay in our hotel room, because it will be more fun that way. We're doing king-sized bed in a room with a couch for the kiddo, hopefully with a fold out bed. She's likely to spend at least one of the two nights with her cousins anyhow, and she's seen us group cuddle before. She's joined us, squeezing in between me and her dad while T-Rex is on the other side of me. She likes T-Rex, and he's good with kids. It's all innocent and familial, no problems there, and we are affectionate but not sexual in front of her.
I'm not worried about the room arrangements, but the thing is that I am accustomed to not hiding my physical affection with T-Rex from anyone. When we go out, I've held hands with both guys at once. We (me and Thumper and me and T-Rex) kiss and hug and are generally lovey dovey.
I should probably curtail this in front of Thumper's family. His mother is a busybody and a nut-job, and certainly not beyond histrionics. Her opinion is extremely unwelcome given the hostile relationship between her and Thumper (and, to a lesser extent, between me and her).
All three of us despise drama.
But it would make me feel extremely uncomfortable to treat T-Rex like a dirty little secret and to act in a manner that is unnatural to me. I've got half a mind to damn the torpedoes and just act however comes naturally.
I have not yet discussed this with the guys. Thumper will read this and know a conversation is impending. His attitude is probably similar to mine. T-Rex is super easy-going, but may lean on the conservative side, not wanting to make waves or cause drama.
I can't say for sure though, that would be presumptuous, which is why conversation is necessary. If anyone has input, I'd love to hear it.
I gotta run. I'd write more on this, but I get to teach my daughter's class about the solar system today, which I'm really excited about, and I need to prepare a bit more.
Hinge of a V relationship with my husband (Thumper) and boyfriend (T-Rex). Also, mother of a 6 y/o girl by my husband.
My poly story begins here
. Now with new blogging
Last edited by Penny; 03-17-2011 at 10:07 AM.